Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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