I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
