Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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