I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
