I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
