nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
