I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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