I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
