I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
