it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
