Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
