You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
