What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
