Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
