I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
