I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
