I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
