Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
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boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
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I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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