there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
