Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
