Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
