Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
