weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize