he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
