Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
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i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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