My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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