; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
