I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
