um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
