I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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