Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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