My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
