My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
