Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
