i just wanna soil my oats bro
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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