im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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