also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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