It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
