Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
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even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
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You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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