Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
