My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Less talking, more tequila
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize