I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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