i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
