No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes