Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown