i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
