i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way