i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
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thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
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Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.