I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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