Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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