It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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