Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
