found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
