it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
