I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
