Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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