I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
