yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
