I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
