wrigley field is MILF paradise
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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