you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
