i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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