Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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