I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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