i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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