I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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