Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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